collect calls from jail...

god i hate people. and i hate live journals. this is my last entry. i don't have a great life but i certainly have better things to do than whine about my melodramatic life on some lame website. do you?

dry, please....

i'm sitting here with rachel (ack) taking online quizzes, which, might i add, are the devil... and rachel looks bored so i'm going to let her say something.I like tacos.prophetic, hon... anyway, i'll make this short and sweet, as i have nothing to say to all of you out there who don't read this...bye

"maybe one day she'll be her own..."

i just got off the phone with lucas. called to apologize. sober now. wants to be with me. we read our poetry to each other. i'm supposed to see him tonight. i think he actually convinced me that he's changed. stupid me. what pisses me off most is that i know i am in love with him, i know that i couldn't be with anyone but him, and that on some level he feels the same way. i'm just having trouble debating this one. on one hand, i have to see him. i'll wilt into nothing if i don't. on the other hand, there's no way i can see him. i can't take the pain he causes me any more. i don't know why i'm even saying that. i know i'm going to... argh.i found out today that my teacher is a big ugly snatch-ho. oh wait, i already knew that. seriously, though--i went to the counselor's office today to discuss my "attitude" (notice the quotation marks), and i decided that maybe i should actually be pleasant for once. so, we were making stockings for underpriveledged children, and i was totally trying to help. however, the sewing machine i chose (by scott, of course) was slightly broken. so, i volunteered to take the fabric home and make some on my own. i find out after class that she had been talking to my other teacher about how "bitter" i was, and how i was bringing down the morale of the class. she also referred to my attempt at niceties as "real funny." apparantly she's amused by sincerity. she thought i was being fake. no, mrs. k, that's your job. bitch. i hope your adopted daughter gets hit by a bus and i hope you fall into a very deep well. or accidentally fall on a knife. ho.so, yeah. i'm supposed to be hanging out with rachel and sterling right now, but they ditched me. wow, big giant surprise. i can't imagine that my friends would do that to me. ha. people suck.with that, i leave whoever might actually read this pathetic excuse for a journal.

don't think....

god, today was so fucking boring. i sat around at home on my ass and did homework. ack. at least i won't have to go to school on thursday.i went to jason's with rosemary last nite. we had some engaging dialogue, and then she told me that she's seen lucas twice in the last week. god, he is the biggest asshole to ever walk the earth. i, unfortunately, have a rather close connection to him. fucking-a. are his fingers broken? can he not dial a phone? do i want him to dial my number? i'll break his fingers. shit.i saw "hedwig and the angry inch" last nite. it was about this east german transexual with a rock band, and it really sucked. every time i write something on this thing, i get this wierd feeling that people are actually reading it. odd, eh? it's beginning to make me rather self-concious...

from the cheap seats...

i/fight temptation/silent/atheist/prayer/on foggy/tranquil/nites like this/want/to scream/and tear/at you/with teeth sharp/from words/want to say/incarceration/inside/a suffering/soul/get a little high/scratch/beneath the skin/blood/under black/fingernails/you're an itch/i can't get rid of/faked it every time/baby boy/so weak/of passion/couldn't make/me come/inside these sheets/shivering/waiting/infinitely/tremors/deceptions/enough to make/a girl cry//saliva/stained with nicotine/i was floating/on clouds/and swimming in semen//black eyeliner/sumdged/down to my cheeks/ took pills/and hits/salvation/i claim sactuary/bliss/in dreams/as far from real/as i can be/intrigue/believe me/strangulatioin/satisfies/gasping for breath/between choked sighs/boredom/cynicism/pessimism/don't worry/i won't/fall apart