i hate emo and i hate straightedgers!

goddamn i'm sick of all this whiny pop-punk crap, and i'm really fucking sick of all these uptight self-righteous straightedgers. life is short and indulgence is fun... i've heard so much shit that people have said about me and i have something to say. first off, you're all idiots. nobody around here (i'm not excluding myself) has an original thought and that's why they spend so much fucking time talking shit about people instead of actually discussing meaningful topics. second, it's really fucking stupid to be calling girls sluts (especially those of you who are...) my guess is that most of you fucking stupid puyallup people consider yourselves "different" or "outcasts" or something to that extent. if so, you should really stop perpetuating the misguided morals of our christian society by labeling females as sluts, whether or not they're sexually active. teenage girls are by nature the most sexual creatures on the planet (don't even try to deny that-look at britney) and they should have full freedom in their actions. instead, i see myself, my friends, and countless others of my gender ostracized by their peers for exhibiting that which comes more naturally than anything else. my guess is that none of you actually uphold these fucked-up beliefs which have led cultures to the extremity of the Taliban regimes (taunting leads to violence more quickly than most would think), that most of you don't really think through what you say... and mostly that you're just pissed off because you can't get laid. ha... seriously, though-putting my personal feelings aside, i think most intelligent people can agree that gender equality is a good thing, and i think that if most people thought about it they would realize that calling a girl a "slut" or a "whore" is doing nothing but creating a double standard and trying to silence their voices, to restrict their freedoms. not to mention that none of you fuckers knows a thing about me (sarah) and i don't want you to (craig)and that maybe before you judge someone you should find out if what you're hearing is even the truth...god i can't wait until i get out of this town and away from these stupid fucking people and i don't have to sit around defending myself all the time to these trendy, ignorant legions of teens. disposable? i think so.even if what you said is true (which it isn't), at least i have two eyes. HAHAHAHAHAHAbye

paw prints and track marks

singular ecstasylasted moments seemed like dayswith youvicious and sadisticspiralingout of our worlddesolate and yearningfor rainsilver dragonsexhale firesimilarities overwhelmno more sunshineno more spikesdiggingdigging into memy head wasdetached from everythingsmiling stupidlove-strucki don't know how i cameweepingto youglitter fallingonto your facesnarls and growlsi'd laugh and kiss your eyelidsleaving lip gloss stainspunk rockmohawk i've beenincompletenow in his armsi claim sanctuarybut know it can never beas holyas with you

more teen angst...

i thought tears were only for emo kids...i let him fuck me over. i must be so masochistic... i let him hurt me and when he calls i come running. why? he's not the one, he's not even worth my time... dammit i hate myself.i keep dreaming about scott. it's gone on every night for almost a month now. it's funny, i don't think about this stupid little crush thing i have during the day, but i must be repressing because at night my subconscious has a field day with it. i don't know...i went to the supermall w/ sterling tonight. then luke-ass called, and i suggested we go to tacoma. of course, he got cut off and didn't answer when i called him back, so i made sterl waste gas for nothing. sorry, sterl.i bought my grandma an outrageously expensive pair of black hills gold earrings. they're hummingbirds. her favorite. i spent all my money on them, and i don't really know why. i didn't even think twice. stupid me. well, i don't really have anything pertinent to say (as usual), so i'm going to go in my room and cry about luke. cry myself to sleep, that is. maybe then i can have another dream... goddamnhellfuckshitbye

looking back at me...

god my self esteem is so fucking low right now. i spent the afternoon looking at pics of chicks in the seattle area. i thought i might find someone interesting with whom to converse (or make out with, who knows?), but it just ended up making me feel so fucking ugly and lame. i guess i don't really feel wanted at all right now. and, like with everyone who has low self-esteem, nothing anybody can say will change the way i feel. i just need something in my life to happen to prove to me that i am not a ugly little spoiled white girl living in the suburbs... god i hate feeling sorry for myself. and i hate straightedgers too. that didn't really have anything to do with anything, but that's been bothering me lately. stupid straightedgers. no drinking, smoking, drugs, or sex, but dammit we can kill people! cool... i know i'll get a comment about that. then again, if you are straightedge, why the hell would you be reading this?well, i have to go smoke now. maybe once i get some affection i won't need so many addictions...

"and i haven't seen barbados..."

somebody sent me this forward once (i loathe forwards), and it said something actually rather interesting:"simple minds talk about people, average minds talk about events, great minds talk about ideas."when are people around here going to evolve? when am i going to evolve? i'm so sick of talking about what this person did or what he said she said...why hasn't anyone grown up yet? i've been hearing all these things that people say about me and it just makes me want to scream. i read this book once called War and Human Nature about whether or not it is inherent to mankind to be violent. i'm beginning to wonder whether or not it is also inherent to be vindictive, mean, altogether cruel. at first i thought, what did i do to these people to make them talk so much about someone they don't even know? then i thoght, why do i even care what these ignorant little juveniles think about me? fuck people.kyle gave me some really mean christmas presents yesterday. i tried to act amused, but i was really fucking hurt. he tells me about the perception that so many people have of me, knows it bothers me, then proceeds to perpetuate it with things like this. i'm beginning to question my friendships again...my mum told me yesterday that she saw an article in the paper about Mumia Abu-Jamal getting a retrial. if anyone has any info about this, please send me a url or something...k, that's all. ciao.

"'cause we're celebratin' no more drama in our lives"

today is the last day i'm going christmas shopping. thank god. it's funny, really...i'm not really close with that many people...when i'm down almost nobody's there for me, but yet come this time of year i spend so much fucking money on my "loved ones." fuck.MALLORY PILCHER IS A BACKSTABBING BITCH.i guess i don't really mean that... i just feel really hurt that mal is talking shit about me behind my back. i haven't seen her in months, every time i try to make plans with her she blows me off, and now i find out that she's been saying all this crap... fuck that makes me feel horrible; never once did i talk shit about her. i thought she was a down girl... then again i've never been too good with reading people. well, mallory, i love you-you're one of the coolest chicks i've met so far, but i really think you should grow the fuck up and stop talking shit about people you don't even know anymore. if you have something to say, i'd appreciate it if you said it to my face.wow, that was dramatic... but i do have one question-if you hate me so much why are you reading this in the first place? probably clownin' on me, eh?argh.

my drug dealer hits on me

i've neglected to mention one thing that's been creeping me out for quite some time now. i'm sure you think this is funny, kyle... but ACK! dirty dave keeps hitting on me. oh, the winking needs to stop. it's not like he's trying to rape me, it's just really...icky. almost enough reason to go straightedge. almost. mmmmmm...i love fuzzy socks'k i'm done now.