looking back at me...

god my self esteem is so fucking low right now. i spent the afternoon looking at pics of chicks in the seattle area. i thought i might find someone interesting with whom to converse (or make out with, who knows?), but it just ended up making me feel so fucking ugly and lame. i guess i don't really feel wanted at all right now. and, like with everyone who has low self-esteem, nothing anybody can say will change the way i feel. i just need something in my life to happen to prove to me that i am not a ugly little spoiled white girl living in the suburbs... god i hate feeling sorry for myself. and i hate straightedgers too. that didn't really have anything to do with anything, but that's been bothering me lately. stupid straightedgers. no drinking, smoking, drugs, or sex, but dammit we can kill people! cool... i know i'll get a comment about that. then again, if you are straightedge, why the hell would you be reading this?well, i have to go smoke now. maybe once i get some affection i won't need so many addictions...